Musical Money

In 2016 the UK released a new plastic polymer-based £5 note, which troubled vegetarians, but apparently appeals to DJs.

The rigid plastic is tear-resistant and structurally firmer than a paper bill, and those sharp corners work nicely to ride in the groove of a record album, playing music:

Technologically, this is how old gramophones worked — a needle rode the groove, changing the groove’s variations into a vibration in a larger resonator.  The corner of the bill is the needle, and the rest of the bill is the resonator.  Who knew money could be so useful?

Unsecured Loan Tricks

I got my mail like any other day, and found this:   no return address, plain white envelope, heavy on one end, sure looks like a replacement debit or credit card, don’t it?

You can even see where the credit card numbers have rubbed through the envel—wait a goddamn minute…

Those rubbed-in numbers that make it look like there’s a credit card inside are literally printed on the envelope.   Those unsecured loan motherfuckers are getting tricky, they’ll do anything to get me to not throw away their crap without opening the envelope.  Sure enough, inside it says I’m approved for “$2,000 to $25,000″ as long as I use my “Personal Offer Code” when I go to their website.   Oh, and the offer expires in February, as if I won’t get twelve more offers like this in the mail in the next month.    And, yes, I’m on the “stop junk mail” lists, but this shit still keeps coming.

Meaty Banknotes

Vegans in the UK are raising their weak, spindly arms threateningly into the air over a newly-discovered feature of their “paper” money — it’s made of meat.

So, tallow — a tasty ingredient in your McDonald’s French Fries — is used in the new polymer banknotes.   Vegans, who disapprove of using animal products in any way, of course can’t spend these £5 notes — and, by extension, anything bought with these  £5 notes is verboten, thus making the act of shopping a viral attack upon vegans. Well, I don’t know if that last part is true, but vegans have some weird rules.    No word yet on whether or not the British government will stop slaughtering cows for their tasty, tasty banknotes just yet.

…You Know, For Kids!


Payday loans fit in a certain niche in personal finance, but the abuse caused by short terms and high interest rates causes a huge impact on the poor.  But what about kids?  Pocket Money is a lender focused on giving children small “payday” loans — even though they don’t get paychecks — and teaches them the hard, painful truths about borrowing money.  (It’s not real.)

Mining Bitcoin By Hand


Maybe you can’t afford high-tech ASICs and video cards, or maybe you subscribe to the old-timey idea of the only work worth doing is doing with your hands, like a 49′er headed to California in the 19th century, but either way you’ve still got options — this guy shows you how to mine Bitcoin with a pencil and paper.  The demonstration is most useful as a demonstration of the cryptocurrency process, but if you’ve got a lot of time, you might just end up with a bitcoin in your pocket.